Save this story for later. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E.
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Save this story for later. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory. Sales slips made out to Mr. Such injuries sustained by Mr. Coyote have temporarily restricted his ability to make a living in his profession of predator.
The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use the Rocket Sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey. Upon receipt of the Rocket Sled Mr. Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and, sighting his prey in the distance, activated the ignition. As Mr.
Coyote gripped the handlebars, the Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and precipitate force as to stretch Mr. Subsequently, the rest of Mr. Disappearing over the horizon at such speed as to leave a diminishing jet trail along its path, the Rocket Sled soon brought Mr. Coyote abreast of his prey. At that moment the animal he was pursuing veered sharply to the right.
Coyote vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was unable to, due to poorly designed steering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or nonexistent braking system. Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of the Rocket Sled brought it and Mr. Coyote into collision with the side of a mesa. Ernest Grosscup, M. Coyote as a result of this collision. Repair of the injuries required a full bandage around the head excluding the ears , a neck brace, and full or partial casts on all four legs.
Hampered by these injuries, Mr. Coyote was nevertheless obliged to support himself. With this in mind, he purchased of Defendant as an aid to mobility one pair of Acme Rocket Skates. When he attempted to use this product, however, he became involved in an accident remarkably similar to that which occurred with the Rocket Sled. Again, Defendant sold over the counter, without caveat, a product which attached powerful jet engines in this case, two to inadequate vehicles, with little or no provision for passenger safety.
Encumbered by his heavy casts, Mr. Coyote lost control of the Rocket Skates soon after strapping them on, and collided with a roadside billboard so violently as to leave a hole in the shape of his full silhouette.
Indeed, it is safe to say that not once has an explosive purchased of Defendant by Mr. Coyote performed in an expected manner. To cite just one example: At the expense of much time and personal effort, Mr. Coyote constructed around the outer rim of a butte a wooden trough beginning at the top of the butte and spiralling downward around it to some few feet above a black X painted on the desert floor.
The trough was designed in such a way that a spherical explosive of the type sold by Defendant would roll easily and swiftly down to the point of detonation indicated by the X. Coyote proceeded to light the fuse. In an instant, the fuse burned down to the stem, causing the bomb to detonate. In addition to reducing all Mr. Coyote: 1. Severe singeing of the hair on the head, neck, and muzzle.
Sooty discoloration. Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to dangle in the aftershock with a creaking noise.
Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing kinking, frazzling, and ashy disintegration. Radical widening of the eyes, due to brow and lid charring. We come now to the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes. The remains of a pair of these purchased by Mr. As advertised by Defendant, this product is simplicity itself: two wood-and-metal sandals, each attached to milled-steel springs of high tensile strength and compressed in a tightly coiled position by a cocking device with a lanyard release.
Coyote believed that this product would enable him to pounce upon his prey in the initial moments of the chase, when swift reflexes are at a premium. Coyote affixed them by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder. Adjacent to the boulder was a path which Mr.
Coyote put his hind feet in the wood-and-metal sandals and crouched in readiness, his right forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard release.
Within a short time Mr. Unsuspecting, the prey stopped near Mr. Coyote, well within range of the springs at full extension. Coyote gauged the distance with care and proceeded to pull the lanyard release. Coyote forward and away from the boulder. As the intended prey looked on unharmed, Mr.
Coyote hung suspended in air. Then the twin springs recoiled, bringing Mr. Coyote to a violent feet-first collision with the boulder, the full weight of his head and forequarters falling upon his lower extremities.
The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound, whereupon Mr. Coyote was thrust skyward. A second recoil and collision followed. The boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had begun to bounce down a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs adding to its velocity.
At each bounce, Mr. Coyote came into contact with the boulder, or the boulder came into contact with Mr. Coyote, or both came into contact with the ground. As the grade was a long one, this process continued for some time. Advertisement The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical damage to Mr. Coyote, viz. Repetition of blows along a vertical axis produced a series of regular horizontal folds in Mr. Coyote to expand upward and contract downward alternately as he walked, and to emit an off-key, accordionlike wheezing with every step.
The distracting and embarrassing nature of this symptom has been a major impediment to Mr. As the Court is no doubt aware, Defendant has a virtual monopoly of manufacture and sale of goods required by Mr. It is our contention that Defendant has used its market advantage to the detriment of the consumer of such specialized products as itching powder, giant kites, Burmese tiger traps, anvils, and two-hundred-foot-long rubber bands. Coyote has no other domestic source of supply to which to turn.
One can only wonder what our trading partners in Western Europe and Japan would make of such a situation, where a giant company is allowed to victimize the consumer in the most reckless and wrongful manner over and over again.
Coyote respectfully requests that the Court regard these larger economic implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of seventeen million dollars. In addition, Mr. Total damages: thirty-eight million seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. By awarding Mr.
Coyote V. Acme
Shelves: non-fiction Though praised as one of the forerunners in American humor writing, Ian Frazier fails to deliver any laughs outside of pity or nostalgia for shoddy, safe witticisms. In concept, Ian Fraziers book Coyote V. However, in execution, Frazier falls between otiose wit and contrived, trying-too-hard absurdity. The First Though praised as one of the forerunners in American humor writing, Ian Frazier fails to deliver any laughs outside of pity or nostalgia for shoddy, safe witticisms.
Coyote vs. Acme, Plaintiff's Opening Statement
Schoff: My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hearby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory. Sales slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in the possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr.
Coyote v. Acme
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